A baby, a kid, and a new country

2013 has been a really crazy year for our little family.  We added the new baby to our herd back in April which has been a wonderful experience.  It hasn't been without it challenges, but overall, I feel it has been a smooth transition for our new little family member.  However, all of us will be making a HUGE jump in December when we leave for a 4 year stay in Stuttgart, Deutchland (Germany).  The Hubs will be taking on a new role in his career with Bosch and I will be taking on the role of European family travel agent.  So much to experience...it is really exciting.  We've been taking German lessons for several weeks and will continue our language lessons while in Germany.  The hardest part, so far, has been the physical move.  Movers came ~6 weeks ago and packed most of our things and sent it on a ship to our new home.  We've been shuffled around from place to place for quite some time living out of suitcases and bags.  It's been tough with the little guys.  But, on Dec 10, we will say "Auf Wiedersehen, Amerika" and say "Hallo Deutschland".

The Boys and I having a picnic in the mostly empty living room

The New Normal

It's been more than a year since I last contributed to this blog.  Mainly because the joys of parenting became consuming.  The little two year old that I last spoke of is now a 3.5 year old and our little family has grown by 1.  The life of a stay at home mom, is definitely not one that lends to something, I think, was called "free time".  So, I haven't been able to keep up with logging our story.  I've also never been much of a writer.  I wasn't one to keep a journal for very long, or find comfort in logging my thoughts or activities.  I'd always get caught up in formatting the page and proofreading it for spelling errors.  I'm the type who enjoys a good spreadsheet or bullet point outline.  That kind of habit doesn't lend well to thoughtful writing and it doesn't help me when I need to find a way to cope with daily struggles.  So, let's try this again...

Now my first Mother's Day with two children has passed and we all seem to be settling into our new normal. Growing Shellie Beans has become a harder task, though.  The (once toddler) now preschooler has reached a phase that has been testing my every limit.  I remember my sister being this way with my mother.  Very intelligent, picks up on little things to push buttons and is very good at exploiting them.  He's also begun to learn new tricks from his classmates.  His attitude and tantrums cause me to think about running away at least once a day.  But, like most things, some moments are good and others are not so good.  I have to keep reminding myself of this.  With the help of my husband, he was able to pick out an adorable Mother's day card for me.  He wrote 'mom' on the envelope and his name inside the card himself.   That was a good moment and I'd like to focus more of my energy in those moments.  It's hard, though.  I know that he is a good kid at heart.  I just wish he would stop yelling in my face and saying he's going to shoot me with rockets...

Handling the baby stuff, on the other hand, has been surprisingly easy.  Pregnancy and I did not mix well together.  I was depressed and angry for most of the 9.5 months and I feared that it would carry over into the postpartum months.   I've been struggling with the social expectation of breastfeeding for quite some time (like 4 years). Everyone seems to have an opinion on this subject and loves to judge you for your choices no matter what side their on.  I hate breastfeeding, though.  I don't hate the broad social concept of breastfeeding, just for me it sucks and I find no joy in it.  It is a huge source of stress, anxiety and frustration during a time that is hard enough.  Once I made the decision to pump and bottle feed, I felt liberated.  I really felt like I could relax and enjoy my second (and last) baby.  He is so sweet and cuddly that all I want to do is hold him (and I don't like to share), so I do without any frustration.  I'm sure others would view my choice as foolish or as a hassle, but it works for me. I know he's being fed well, he's happy and he's growing like a little weed.  All those who choose to judge me (and i know they do) can kiss my ass. 

Now on to coping with the daily task of caring for two stinky little boys :-)